What is it about Getting Married...

That makes you gain weight?(1) We've been hitting the gym hard lately(2) to get ready for our 5k(3) in July (and to be healthy, I now regret putting that as a New Years Resolution). Rick told me that if we keep up with our gym routine he will buy me a new exercise outfit(4) and he will throw away his old shirts(5) and wear the hot ones that have been sitting in his closet that I beg him to wear but they are "too tight"(6), because clearly, lowering my cholesterol and being healthy and losing weight all come second to getting a new outfit and finally being able to throw away Rick's nasty shirts (5).

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1. 15 pounds to be exact. People have told me that once you get married you "let yourself go". Newsflash, I let myself go in 7th grade after recess was no longer a part of my life (the recess you have in grade school, not the cartoon recess, that stayed with me well into my high school days). I've always had high metabolism and have been able to eat whatever I wanted and not exercise and stay thin. And then we got married and somehow that was all void and I had to start working towards wearing clothes that weren't so tight you could see my belly button.

2. I go because Rick makes me go. I hate running, but mostly because I'm bad at it. So why did I join track in High School? Because I love being miserable. How long did that last? Not even a term because shin splints hate me as much as I hate running.

3. Yes, I know that a 5k is only 3 miles. Refer to #2.

4. I already have an exercise outfit, I mostly just want a new sports bra (and some sweet running shoes, I just don't know which ones yet). The last time I bought a sports bra was in 7th grade. You're probably thinking to yourself "wow, she totally needs a new one, no way would a bra from 7th grade fit her still, nearly 11 years later." Wrong. It still fits. I just want a new one. What? You commonly confuse my body for Pamela Anderson's? Not even close. The main reason I want to lose weight is because I gain weight in 2 places - my stomach and my face. And I usually lose weight in one place - my face. The pregnant skeleton look isn't exactly what I was going for. I'm still in my normal BMI range, but because I gain weight in my stomach and face only, it makes me look pregnant. I don't like it when my stomach sticks out farther than my boobs. My mom calls it the curse of the Harris belly. I learned early on to suck in. My mom would tell me to "suck in for better posture" but I really think it was her nice way of saying "you look like you are a pregnant teenager". So along with running I've been doing ab work outs. And now it hurts to cough, laugh, or anything that involves moving.

5. Rick has 8 shirts that he wears. He doesn't have 8 shirts total, just 8 that he will wear. That means if I don't do laundry every 8 days or sooner, you might see a naked Indian running around Provo. Did I mention these shirts are shirts he has been wearing for years? When I say years what I mean is I met Rick 6 years ago, and he wore these shirts then. Sorry for the poor picture quality, these were taken with my cell phone.

These are the shirts that I've been dying to throw away. From far away they might look decent but lets zoom in on some problem areas.

No, this shirt is not inside out. It's so worn that there are holes all around the collar and the tag has flipped out.

This is the armpit on one of his shirts. All of his shirts have holes, but this one only has holes in places he can't see, so he thinks they're not there. And while he explains this to me all I do is stare at his armpit. He told me that once he loses some weight he will throw these away. Which brings me to #6 - the shirts I long for him to wear.

6. I bet you had no idea that this drum-banging, holy-band-shirt wearing, hooligan of a man had such a beautiful collection of collared/colored shirts. Why do I say colored? Look back up at #5. The man loves black (in any fade).

Look for these shirts on Rick in about 2 months.