Why I'm Divorcing Rick

Okay, not really, but last night Rick did something that made me angrier at him than I've ever been.

It was 4:00 in the morning. We were both in a dead sleep. Normally when he sleep talks it's quiet and he moves around beforehand so I know it's coming. This was loud, and sudden, so I knew he wasn't sleep talking.

"Woah! What is that?" He sounded scared. I was instantly awake and my heart was pounding. I thought someone or something was in the room with us.

"Rick?"

"WHAT IS THAT?!" He screamed in sheer terror. I've never heard him scream like that before, and I just knew we were about to be murdered.

"WHAT?! RICK?!?!" I have never heard myself scream like that either. I hoped that we were both at least screaming loud enough to wake someone up and have them call 911. If the paramedics got there fast enough maybe we would survive whatever was about to happen to us. Tears were streaming down my fear stricken face. I was grabbing Rick's shoulder and shaking him violently, waiting for something to happen.

Then, he laughed.

"Rick?"

"What?"

"What just happened?"

"Oh, boys and girls are just different about this kinda stuff."

Now I'm not scared. Now I'm pissed. I continued to shake him and call his name. Usually I can just say his name or give him a slight nudge and he'll snap out of it. This time he just wouldn't wake up. He kept coming in and out of sleep. I tried explaining to him over and over what had happened, and he kept forgetting it. It was like he was coming off of anesthesia. I laid in bed until 4:30 when we had to get up and take a friend to the airport. Once he was up and awake, I asked him what he had dreamed about, he said "trains, probably" but he couldn't remember anything about his dream, I asked him if he remembered what happened or if he remembered us screaming, he didn't. Normally his sleep talking lines up with his dreams and he remembers it.

And on Halloween of all days.

Just Barely

Just barely in his sleep Rick suddenly sat up and stuck his arms out like a Zombie. I was listening to music with headphones in so I couldn't hear him but I could see his lips moving. I took out the headphones and asked him what he needed. He mumbled something and the only thing I could make out was the word "people". I told him to speak up.

Loudly, he said, "The people over there. Are they in the Nintendo?"

Then he laid down and went back to sleep. I put my headphones back in and turned the music up a few notches. Seconds later, he sat up again and started waving his hands around trying to get my attention. He does this sometimes and it usually means he wants me to turn my music down because he can hear it and it's bugging him. I paused my music.

"Sorry, is my music too loud?"

"Do they even sell anything bigger than a 16 inch?"

"....what?"

"At the store, do they sell anything bigger than a 16 inch?"

"What store?"

"At drive-ups."

"A 16 inch what?"

"Whatever it is they sell at drive-ups."

"What are you talking about?"

"Oh, you're alright, it's just someones baking time."

I can't wait for him to wake up tomorrow morning to ask him what he was talking about. His eyes were open during this entire conversation, too. Also, drive UPS? Who calls them that? If you're talking about movies it's a Drive-In, if it's food it's Drive-Thru. What the crap is a Drive UP? I've never heard him (or anyone) call it a drive-up before.

I'm Forgetting How to Blog.

My mom frequently badgers me I feel like I should blog more about the day to day stuff like I used to, but I also feel like our lives are too boring or weird. Most of the blogs I read are about people who have kids that are growing up or they're decorating their houses with crafts they saw on Pinterest. Then there's me, blogging about how pissed I am that our hotel room doesn't have an oven.

I really, really miss ovens. I didn't even bake that much when I had one, but that was mostly because I didn't need to. When we were in Arizona I was working and I would eat lunch and dinner with my nanny boys 5 days a week. Then on my weekends we would go out to dinner for date night. And the other night of the week we'd eat leftovers or maybe I would make dinner. All my life I never thought I was a good cook. My mom would make us take turns helping with dinner, and I would do just fine and I had a few recipes that I carried with me onto married life. (I can heat up a Stouffers lasagna like it's nobodies business.) But I always think about how my mom worked full time and went to school to get her degree and raised teenagers but would still make foods from scratch like her homemade cinnamon rolls. (By the way, mom, can you send me that recipe? Oh wait nevermind because I DON'T HAVE AN OVEN.) When we moved here I told Rick I wanted to try to become a good cook because I want to be the mom that my mom was and because lets be real, I don't have a job, I've got some time to kill. Although I don't have an oven, I have mastered the art of the crock pot. The best part is that it's SO EASY. Rick thinks I'm a genius. He really thinks that I've transformed into Julia Child but really it's all the crock pots doing, I'm just really good at googling/pinning crock pot recipes. I no longer buy boxes of food, I buy ingredients. Due to lack of cupboard space/the desire to plan meals ahead and the fact that Walmart is within walking distance of our hotel, I go to Walmart probably 4-5 times a week to buy food for dinner every night. I ask Rick what he wants, go get the ingredients, he leaves for work and when he comes home it looks like I've been slaving away in the kitchen all day when really I've been watching all 5 seasons of Friday Night Lights. And then he does the dishes. It's the perfect setup.

Rick really is the best. He's been including me a lot more in his sleeptalking lately, so that's been a nice bonding experience for us. Instead of just saying something random he will ask me a question, tell me a story, or wake up frantically, grab his glasses and start freaking out and asking me in between panicked breaths "Are these my glasses? Do they look like mine?! LOOK! LOOK AT MY GLASSES CLOSELY! THESE AREN'T MINE, THEY DON'T LOOK LIKE MINE, THESEARENOTMYGLASSES!" Through experience, I've found out that the best way to handle these situations is NOT to throw a pillow at him and tell him to shut up. Instead, I laugh so freaking hard calmly explain that they are, in fact, his glasses. He will then say "These are not mine, I think they got switched at the airport, someone else has my glasses." Then I ask realistic questions like "How the hell would you have switched your glasses at the airport?" To which he responds "I don't know, maybe I took them off like to take a nap or something." At this point, there is nothing left to do but give him a hug and wish for the best. Usually this wakes him up completely and he realizes what has just happened. Then we laugh until we're crying. I had to stop in the middle of this story to take this picture...

His head is at the top left and his feet are at the bottom right. How does this even happen?

Bless his heart.

His Birthday is next month. This isn't just any birthday, this is his 30th birthday. I have no idea what to get him. I was going to get him a new TV but then we moved to Arkansas and we have a big TV in our hotel room so there is no point in getting one now. I keep asking him what he wants and he keeps saying "whatever." Truth is, I could get him absolutely nothing for his birthday and he wouldn't mind, but every year on his birthday I turn into a bawl baby and we talk about his adoption and how thankful we are that his biological mom made the brave choice to put him up for adoption and how wonderful his parents are for adopting him and then I buy him anything he wants. So really it's just us sitting around crying and eating chocolate cake like a couple of teenage girls and then going to DI so he can buy unnecessary wires (he has baskets of wires for everything you could possibly imagine). Today he did tell me "Hey, we should go to Alabama!" And he was serious. I guess there is some art exhibit there or something that he wants to go see. So for his 30th Birthday we are taking a road trip to Alabama. I'm going to go ahead and add that to the list of things I never thought I'd say.

I'm doing well in school. I've liked all of my classes so far and I really like the ones I'm taking right now. Online schooling is so amazing, there is no way I could be doing a regular college with how much we're moving around. I've traveled from Arizona to Arkansas, Tennessee, Utah, and California all while being able to stay in school and keep my grades up. Online schooling is the best invention. That, and crock pots.

Sleeptalking

Rick started talking in his sleep last night. Big surprise. But this time I had my phone handy so I started recording. Turn the volume up for this one cause he mumbles and you can barely hear him. But I'll add the captions below the video. This happened because he asked me what was wrong and I said I couldn't sleep.

Rick: This track.

Jodi: What track?

Rick: This track, the one that we're on.

Jodi: What track are we on?

Rick: I don't know, something, something with East.

Jodi: What are we doing on the track?

Rick: We're going home.

Jodi: We're going home? Where's home?

Rick: mmm....Oklahoma.

Jodi: Oklahoma is home? *laughing but slightly horrified*

Hotel Home

The last few weeks have been a blur. I got back to Arizona from my trip to Arkansas and had 3 weeks of work, school, and getting ready to move. I'm pretty sure people think we're crazy. Normally when people ask you where you will be living the answer is not "in a hotel" and when they ask how long you'll be there the answer is not "I don't know." If someone gave me those answers I would think they were liars, runaway teens, or in trouble with the law. I promise this is legitimate. Since we are living in a hotel I only brought my clothes. So really this was the easiest move ever for us. 3 bags was all it took. We still have our apartment in Arizona. The one good thing about that dust bowl of a town is that the housing there is really cheap. So we are keeping all of our stuff in our apartment for now.

The hotel we're staying at is brand new. Like it isn't even on google maps yet. A brand new hotel means no cooties anywhere. Best news ever.

The view when you first walk in. I love the long desk with the built in dresser. There is room for all our computer stuff. The plastic bin under the TV is my dresser. We're pretty fancy.

The kitchen. Not just part of the kitchen, the ENTIRE kitchen. The dishwasher is broken so that's fun, but everything else I love. Especially the cupboards. I want those same cupboards in my house someday.

King sized bed! After this, I can't go back to a queen. I just can't. Just barely Rick did his famous steam-roller move and he didn't even elbow me in the face. Magical.

This bathroom is about twice as big as my bathroom in Arizona, and has twice the cupboard space. 

Love it.

I hate toilet shots but this is to show how big the mirror is.

My view. I like to lay in bed at night with the window open to have the fluorescent lights from the Walmart sign shine into the room. So romantic.

This hotel also has a pool, hot tub, BBQ area, gym, and laundry room. I told Rick that everyday I want to make a new recipe from Pinterest, but then I realized I don't care if it's from Pinterest I just want to make something new everyday. Which will probably turn into make something new a few times a week but just cook everyday. So far so good but we don't have an oven so I've been crock-potting like it's nobodies business. They have toaster ovens you can use here but isn't that just for heating stuff up? Or can I actually bake a cake in a toaster oven?

It's actually really pretty here if you just overlook the swamps. 

The Arkansas River.

Besides the humidity that hasn't even really started yet and the swamp smells, I like it here. It's very green. Such a nice change from the desert. Even when you get into the busy city you can look in every direction and just see green.

Since I flew here, I left my car in Arizona for my In-Laws to use. Rick has his car out here, but he takes it to work everyday. I didn't really like that my options would be to either be stranded in a hotel while he was at work or take him to work and pick him up everyday when it's an hour drive one way. We have been talking about buying a new car forever because ours are both hanging on by a thread. So, for my birthday, Rick got me this beaut.

Notice how shiny it is but also the low gas prices.

 It's really nice to drive a car that doesn't spill water from the AC all over your feet when you make a left turn like Rick's car does, and that doesn't have broken door handles so you have to roll the window down and open it from the outside every time like mine does. It's a stick which I don't love but I'm used to it already. That last line should bring tears to my Father's eyes.

Lastly, a few month ago I started a Twitter account as a place to record all the things that Rick says and does in his sleep. Normally he would wake me up by talking and I would go back to sleep and forget about it. Now I just grab my phone and update it. You can follow it on twitter www.twitter.com/ricksdreamworld OR you can just look at the side of the blog because I'm going to keep it on here from now on.

The Worst Dream

When I sleep I don't usually have dreams. Or maybe I do but I don't ever remember them. The only time I remember my dreams is when I take NyQuil right before I go to bed. Then I have the weirdest dreams. Like Alice in Wonderland with no sound kind of weird. Lately I've been having the same dream (nightmare?) over and over. It's awful. I've had it twice this week. It's making me dread going to sleep.

I open my eyes to find that I've been asleep with my head on a desk. I lift my head up and recognize that I'm in my English class from my senior year at Provo High. Why am I here? The teacher announces that my senior project is due tomorrow, then the bell rings. I walk outside of the classroom to find my friend Lacey who has been out there waiting for me. I ask her what's going on. Why are we here? We graduated from High School 5 years ago!


"Nobody told you?"
"Told me what?"
"That High School never ends and you have to come back and repeat your senior year forever. If you fail you die. The last day of school is tomorrow. You should probably go talk to one of the counselors."


Suddenly I'm outside of the Principals office. It's dark and scary. The secretary tells me to go in. I walk into a dark room and see a judges bench with bright lights shining down on it. There sits my Principal, Vice Principal, and the counselor. There is a small chair in the middle of the room. They tell me to have a seat. I get the chills.

In this moment, I am more scared than I've ever been in my life. The Principal informs me that your senior year of High School lasts forever. You're supposed to repeat it every year, and if you fail, you'll be killed. Since I was uninformed about it up until this point, and I had already missed the first 5 years of my repeat senior year, they wouldn't kill me. As long as I made up all my work by the time the year ended. Which was tomorrow. I had 1 day to make up 5 years worth of homework.


I blink, and when I open my eyes it is the start of the next school day. Today is the day I have to make up all my work. I go to all my classes to ask my teachers for the last 5 years worth of assignments and tests. The day goes by in a blur. I panic as I try to get all of my homework done. I don't stop to eat or go to the bathroom. I'M FREAKING OUT. It's 2:30 pm, and I hear the last bell of the day ring. I didn't even make a dent in the pile of stuff I had to do. I know I'm going to die.


And that's when I wake up. I'm out of breath and totally panicked. It takes me a second to realize it was just a dream. I lay in bed for a minute to calm down. I check my phone to see what time it is. I have several missed calls, text messages, and voicemails. I'm 4 hours late for work! Christy has been texting me telling me she's called the Police and sent them to my house because I'm late and I'm not responding to anyone and they think something bad has happened to me.

That's when I REALLY wake up. 

I immediately check my phone to make sure I'm not late for work. It's usually somewhere around 6am. I try to fall back asleep, but I wake up every 30 minutes or so and immediately look at my phone to check the time.

Seriously, the worst dream ever.

Rick has been unusually quiet in his sleep for the last few months. I thought that maybe he was over his sleep talking. It came back suddenly and with a vengeance. The other night he was asleep and he started gasping for air. I woke him up and asked him if he was okay. He opened his eyes for a second but then he fell back asleep, meanwhile telling me about his dream.

"I was at my parents house and I needed to get to the bedroom. There were a pack of wolves in the hallway. I was in charge of them. I told them to move out of the way. They all did except for the leader, he snapped at me. We started fighting. We wrestled into the bathroom. He turned into a human and then he was choking me but you woke me up and you saved me." He was snoring in between sentences, by the way.

Please bless that our children don't have our sleeping habits.

Life lessons learned while sleeping in a parking lot in Vegas

Last week we went up to Utah for 3 days. I got to meet my new niece, spend time with (almost) all of my favorite people, help Rick with some photo shoots, and I ate like 500 cupcakes. We left late Sunday night because we never learn because we wanted to stay as late as we possibly could and then Rick had to hurry back for work. We said we would take turns driving. We never do. He always drives. I don't make him, he just likes driving or thinks I'm going to kill us or something. One time when we were driving from Arizona to Utah he pulled over in Mona because he couldn't drive anymore and I drove from there. Do you know where Mona is? Its like 30 miles from Provo. That's all I contributed to that roadtrip.

When we made it to Vegas we were both struggling to stay awake. We decided to find a place to sleep. We called a hotel and asked about rates but we were only going to be sleeping for 2-3 hours because Rick was on a strict time schedule and we decided it wasn't worth it to get a hotel room. So we pulled into a Flying J's parking lot and as I was laying there listening to the sound of Rick snoring and smelling the sweet smell of diesel fumes, I reflected on the days we spent in Utah and all of a sudden I was hit by an intense, sad and somewhat surprising reality.

I am not meant to live in Utah. 

I do not feel comfortable there. And it's not just because there are 4 billion college students there and construction on every road in Utah County (the freeway splitting on our way to and from Salt Lake - what is that?! who the hell thought that was a good idea?) I feel like if you live in Utah you are on one side or the other as far as political/religious beliefs. Everybody has their guard up because they're going to be attacked and need to be ready to fight back at any moment (ESPECIALLY during the political season, my gosh). And you constantly have to defend your beliefs, whatever they are, and everyone is always getting their feelings hurt, and everyone is a victim, and nobody ever wins. Because of some of our friends and family members, I felt like I was constantly defending both sides, because I don't view things as black and white. I live in the grey, and because of this I was caught in the cross fire. It was so exhausting.

Last night we had a pool party/BBQ with a bunch of our neighbors. When one of our neighbors found out we were from Utah she asked if we were Mormon. My insides churned, not because I am ashamed of what I believe, but because I was having such a nice time and really didn't want to have to defend or argue my beliefs or worry about hurting someone's feelings. We told her yes, we are Mormon. She said "Well then we'll keep the beer away from you! You Mormons really know how to build beautiful buildings. Have you seen the temple here? Or the one in Los Angeles? They are so beautiful!" And then throughout the night she asked us questions about the church, and not "so why do you hate gays?" or "why are you racist?" but "so how does the Priesthood work?" and "what does the oil do when you give blessings?" It was a breath of fresh air. I wanted to keep talking, I wanted to tell her more, and I wanted to go home and read and do my research to make sure I was answering all her questions correctly. I've never experienced that kind of conversation in Utah.

I like Arizona. Even the first few months when things were really hard I still liked it. There was a time about 2 months ago where I still didn't have a job and Rick found out that the railroad was starting to lay people off again, and he would be laid off soon. We panicked. We were barely surviving as it was and were already so behind and we could not live without his job. We seriously considered moving back to Utah, and starting all over. Again. Rick knew he could get his old job back at the Hospital. Between all of our family there we knew we could stay with someone until we got back up on our feet. We prayed and fasted and cried and had no idea what to do. And then I found Chad and Christy, and they hired me. And then Rick found out that if he transferred to the Phoenix yard, he would be able to hold there because they needed people because nobody likes working in Phoenix (because it is 400 degrees). And he's been in Phoenix ever since, and I've been working ever since, and we are still behind and still struggling and I still hate not being able to see my guy every day, but we're blooming where we're planted, and we're learning and growing and we know this is where we need to be.

The night we got home we laid in bed and talked about it. I was very sad to have come to this realization and was so glad to have Rick there with me (even though later that night when we were both dead asleep he elbowed me HARD in the nose and then every time I moved after that he would wake up frantically and put his hand on my head and say "sorry 'bout yo face"). We talked about the things we liked and would miss about Utah, and about the things we were going to have to get used to in Arizona. Although there are some things I don't think I will ever get used to. Things like...

• Africanized Honey Bees. Also known as Killer Bees. Super mean, super scary. A few months ago one of them got into our apartment and kept bumping aggressively into Rick. He finally caught it and let it outside. The next day we went to leave and it was by our car and anytime we got near the car it would chase us. It took us 20 minutes to get into our car. If you kill one of these bees they let off some kind of scent or something to let the other bees know what's up and then you will get swarmed. And die. Like on My Girl. Did anybody else sob during Thomas' funeral when Vada was crying saying Thomas needed his glasses? No? Just Rick? Okay.
• Sewer Roaches. They come up from your drains and hang out in your bathtub. Kill myself.
• "If you need to use the bathroom in the middle of the night just put your flip flops on in case you step on a scorpion." Kill myself twice.
• These really big really loud beetles that hang out in the trees and you'll be outside thinking "man, those power lines are really loud" and then you realize you are no where near the power lines.

So now that I know we're here to stay and now that you all know about the wonderful Arizona insects, it's time for people to start coming to visit us. We even have a couch that is almost big enough for one person. Any takers?

Living The Nightlife

Rick is a light sleeper. Any time I roll over, move, cough, sneeze, sniffle, or blink, it wakes him up. I try my hardest to not move at all, but sometimes I just really need to breathe. Last night as I got into bed it woke him up and he gave me the look that says "I'm about to say something really weird that I won't remember in the morning."

"Where is the other blanket?" He asked while he was laying on top of the sheet and the blanket.

"What other blanket?"

"Don't we normally have more blankets than this? There should be another one between the sheet and the blanket."

"What?"

And then he was gone. It takes me a lot longer than him to fall asleep, so I laid there playing on my phone for a while. When I was done I put my phone away and rolled over. He shifted and gave me the same look as before.

"Don't we have more blankets than this?"

"Nope."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, because it's July and we live in Tucson and so I'm positive we don't have any more blankets."

"Did we used to have more blankets?"

"We had a different blanket when we lived in Utah. The thick one. We got this new bedspread when we moved here, remember?"

"But what about the blanket that you sign?"

By this time, he was fully awake, and I was more confused than ever.

"What?"

"It's like a blanket....but you can like take it to work with you. Where is the blanket that you used to take to work with you?"

"I never took a blanket to work with me. Do you take a blanket to work with you?"

"Yeah, the signed one."

"Signed as in like...written on?"

"Yeah, you like write all of your notes on it and then take it to work with you and it helps you remember what to do."

"You mean like a note pad?"

"No it's the blanket that you sign and it's supposed to go between the sheet and the other blanket."

"Do you hear yourself right now?"

"I know, I know, it sounds weird...but it's so real."

This morning I asked him if he remembered our conversation from last night. He starred off into the distance for a few minutes before he whispered "the blanket....it's so real."

He is still insisting that we are missing a 3rd blanket from our bed. He really misses that nonexistent blanket. Not sure how we're gonna settle this one.

The Other Night

The other night Rick was rolling around in his sleep and it woke me up, then he got up and walked out of the bedroom. I assumed he was going to the bathroom or something and then he didn't come back so I went searching for him and he was asleep on the couch. I woke him up and he looked at me confused and said "Why am I on the couch?" (Like it was my fault or something)

The other night Rick was asleep and then he cleared his voice and loudly said "Let my people go!" Didn't Moses say that?

The other night we were asleep and then Rick sat up in bed and it woke me up. He sat there for a second and then he got up and went to our bedroom window and opened the curtains and stood there starring for like a full minute. Then I was like "Rick?" and he jumped almost like I scared him and he said "Woah...what am I doing?" then he laid back down. Creepy?

The other night we were asleep and Rick said "I just love Meeko so much."

The other night Rick was asleep and he likes to sleep facing me with his arms under my pillow because he "doesn't have any where else to put them" and I told him not to (because it's not comfortable to sleep on someone's arms, ya know?) and so he said that we should try switching sides of the bed so that he could sleep in the same position but his arms will hang off the bed instead of him putting them under my pillow. So we tried it and then he just switched to face the other way so again he was facing me with his arms under my pillow. And then I woke up confused because I was sleeping on the wrong side of the bed, which is basically the same thing as waking up in another Country.

The other night (every night, actually) Rick farted in his sleep and I was like "Riiiiiiiiiiiiiick. Stop farting" and he was like "no it's okay the wind from the fan will blow it away because of the g force and you won't even be able to smell it" and then I punched him for being a liar.

Somewhere in this house we have a voice recorder that only records when it senses sound. Rick uses it for music stuff and when we were living at the apartment we would put it by our bed at night and then when we would wake up in the morning we would have a good 15-20 minutes of Rick talking. I'm going to find it and somehow upload it to my blog. You won't be disappointed.

Nighttime Rituals

Right now I am supposed to be studying for a math test. I can think of about 1000 other things I'd rather be doing besides studying for anything, let alone math, and blogging just sounds like a way better idea right now. So I'm going to stop looking at fractions (yeah, that's right, 6th grade math - doesn't matter, I still hate it) to tell you a story.

I love my husband. Having said that, you should know that every once in a while he annoys the heck (hell) out of me. These moments of annoyance come at a time of day that I hold dear in my heart. A time of day that I wish would last forever. Sleep time. It's hard to be mad at the guy when he has no control over the fact that he's screaming/farting/burping/laughing/talking/playing football/dancing/catching bad guys/elbowing me in the face/pulling my hair in his sleep, but it's starting to get out of hand.

We are night people, mostly because of our schedules. We go to bed around 2-3 and wake up around 10-11. Last night I was so tired. I couldn't wait to take a nice long shower and then crawl into bed and sleep as long as I could. After my shower I got all ready for bed and walked into the bedroom. I saw Rick laying there, asleep, with his glasses on, his phone in his hand, and surrounded by a fort of pillows. This is exactly how I find him every night. And this is the conversation that we have.

"Rick. Wake up. Take your glasses off, plug your phone in. Give me back my pillow. Lets say prayers."

"What? WHAT?! What's wrong? Are you okay? What's going on? Where do I need to go? I don't understand what we're doing."

"Just take off your glasses, plug your phone in, and you can go back to sleep."

"Okay but I just don't understand what we're doing. Do you need me to go somewhere? Are we getting up? I was asleep and now it going to take me forever to fall back asleep."

"TAKE OFF YOUR GLASSES AND PLUG IN YOUR PHONE."

"Oh okay."

He removes his glasses, which will magically appear on his face in the morning when we wake up. We're still working on how to get him to not put them back on in his sleep. He plugs his phone in, and now he's upset that he's "awake" and it will take him "forever" to fall back to sleep.

"Lets say prayers."

"Okay. Dear Heavenly Father..." And then he incoherently mumbles what sounds like a play by play action of what is happening in his current dream. This goes on for about 4 minutes.

"Amen."

Before his head hits the pillow, he is snoring. I get in bed, and we struggle with the blankets for a good 6 minutes. I like to sleep under the blankets. He likes to put them all on his side of the bed and sleep on top of them. Once he finally gets under the blankets he complains that it's "too hot to sleep under the blankets." I remind him that he doesn't have to sleep under the blankets, he just can't lay on top of them, leaving none for me. I also remind him that he would be less hot if he took off his pajamas and socks. The response I get is a snore. Sometimes a burp, but usually a snore.

It's probably somewhere around 3am. You know that moment where you know you are just about to fall asleep? For the next 30 minutes I have about 10 of those moments, only to be interrupted by a laugh, a yell, him kicking off the blankets, or a poke in the eye followed by me yelling "OW!" and him saying "I was just trying to cuddle." Since I wear the kind of contacts that you can sleep in, I may or may not have to get up at this point and fix my contact that may or may not have folded in half and rolled behind my eyeball. Happened more than once.

Finally, sleep comes. And I am loving every second of it. Until about 6 am, when the stench of death caused by the bowels of hell awaken me. Disgusted, I make a mental note to make Rick sleep in the guest bed every night that he eats Betos. I try to suffocate myself in my pillow, but I am able to fall asleep again eventually. Until 8 am comes. The birds are chirping, the sun is out, and Rick is playing steamroller in his sleep. Oh, and his glasses are back on. Incredible.

I say some swear words in my head, and go back to sleep. And then 11 am comes and my everyday alarm clock wakes me up. That alarm clock would be the kids from the daycare next door, screaming. Sometimes Rick is already up and sometimes he is still asleep. If he is asleep, the sheet is completely twisted between his legs and it takes both of us to untangle him, if he is awake, I go out and find him, and he talks about how he slept "sooooooooooo gooooooood!" last night.

Tonight he is working a double, which means he won't be home until 7 in the morning. I get the whole bed to myself.

Hallelujah.

In a perfect world...

...Dr. Phil would be President. And I would have the hair of one of the Kardashian sisters. In a perfect world I would also not have high cholesterol. I know, right? How stupid is that? I'm a 21 year old who is in shape. And by "in shape" I mean I would rather eat tin foil than exercise and I eat whatever I want whenever I want which is usually candy at 3am. I was doing good with sticking to Rick's no red meat and only wheat pasta, bread, and rice diet. Right when I started to actually enjoy it the doctor says I need to cut sweets and carbs. It could be worse, though. I could have cancer and be pregnant with 12 babies at once and be homeless and have the flu and have no shoes in winter and have just stubbed my toe really hard. That's probably worse than not being able to eat sweets and carbs. Having a positive outlook on life is one of my finer qualities.

We leave for Disneyland in 2 weeks. While we are there we are also going to be in the audience for 2 Dr. Phil tapings. I am so excited. I'm excited for Disneyland, for the car rides there and back, for stopping in Vegas, going to California Adventures, and for being in Dr. Phil's audience. Rick is halfway excited for all of the above, which is actually a lot of improvement. Love that guy. Also, here is a picture proving that I am right and he is wrong and he really does take up the entire bed.

He isn't actually asleep in this picture, otherwise I would have to make fun of him for wearing glasses and smiling. He was sleeping like this and finally I pointed out all the room he had on the other side and how he was pushing me off the bed. "But we're cuddling". Damn liar.

21!

I can now buy alcohol and gamble. Score! No, I'm not going to do either of those, but it is nice to know that from now on the mean lady that works at Caesar's Palace in Vegas cannot kick me out of the casino (even though everyone else I was with was over 21 and we weren't gambling). In your face, ma'am.

I had a fun birthday. My awesome mom got me and Rick season passes to 7 peaks which is where we will be spending a lot of our time this summer. Rick got me a haircut, eyebrow wax, new shoes, and a picture, and we also went out to Brick Oven for dinner (I could go there to just eat the Garlic Bread - yum!) It was a good birthday and I was glad to be able to spend it with the hubs. And I love my new haircut, I'll get some pictures of it later.

Time for bed. Speaking of which, as you all know, when you get married you find out new things about your spouse that you didn't know before. I was expecting to find out new things about Rick...and I did. He is a sleep talker. Here are some of my favorite things he's said, the things I have said will be in Red.

"Oh my gosh...What are we going to do?"

"What?...Rick? What's wrong?" (I was panicked because this was 3 am and waking up to that question is never good.)

"Haha...Look at your Grandma. What are we going to do?! Should we tell her her wig fell off? Oh my goodness."

That was the very first night we were married. Here are some others:

"I like candy."

"Jodi Harris? Yeah I know who she is."

"Hahahahaha! Oh my goodness, thats funny"

One of my all time favorites happened a few weeks ago. Rick and I bought a wii on our honeymoon and we purchased some of the oldschool mario games and have been playing them religiously (we've beaten Super Mario 3 once already and we're on level 7 of it again. We get a lot accomplished these days). Well one night Rick was already asleep and I went to bed a few hours after him. I walked into the bedroom and turned the desk lamp on. He wakes up (or so I thought) and looks around and then looks at me and says...

"I've been waiting for you"

"Waiting for what?"

"Waiting for you outside Bower's Castle. I've already died 4 times and we only have one life left and I just...I just really need you to help me."

Haha. Never a dull moment with that guy!