Why I'm Divorcing Rick

Okay, not really, but last night Rick did something that made me angrier at him than I've ever been.

It was 4:00 in the morning. We were both in a dead sleep. Normally when he sleep talks it's quiet and he moves around beforehand so I know it's coming. This was loud, and sudden, so I knew he wasn't sleep talking.

"Woah! What is that?" He sounded scared. I was instantly awake and my heart was pounding. I thought someone or something was in the room with us.

"Rick?"

"WHAT IS THAT?!" He screamed in sheer terror. I've never heard him scream like that before, and I just knew we were about to be murdered.

"WHAT?! RICK?!?!" I have never heard myself scream like that either. I hoped that we were both at least screaming loud enough to wake someone up and have them call 911. If the paramedics got there fast enough maybe we would survive whatever was about to happen to us. Tears were streaming down my fear stricken face. I was grabbing Rick's shoulder and shaking him violently, waiting for something to happen.

Then, he laughed.

"Rick?"

"What?"

"What just happened?"

"Oh, boys and girls are just different about this kinda stuff."

Now I'm not scared. Now I'm pissed. I continued to shake him and call his name. Usually I can just say his name or give him a slight nudge and he'll snap out of it. This time he just wouldn't wake up. He kept coming in and out of sleep. I tried explaining to him over and over what had happened, and he kept forgetting it. It was like he was coming off of anesthesia. I laid in bed until 4:30 when we had to get up and take a friend to the airport. Once he was up and awake, I asked him what he had dreamed about, he said "trains, probably" but he couldn't remember anything about his dream, I asked him if he remembered what happened or if he remembered us screaming, he didn't. Normally his sleep talking lines up with his dreams and he remembers it.

And on Halloween of all days.

Arkansas y'all

Rick has been gone for a week and a half. I feel like I haven't seen him in 10 years. I also feel like my sanity is slowly draining. When I'm at work I'm talking to babies all day and then I go home and there is no one there to talk to. All my schooling is online so I don't get normal human interaction. I'm pretty sure I've called my mom everyday because I feel like if I don't get some type of adult conversation Rick will come home and be surprised to find that I've adopted 500 cats while he was away. I'm sure he'd love that.

A few days after Rick left he told me that he loves the work in Arkansas and that they are planning on hiring 200 people this year and he wants to work there. We weighed our options and were seriously considering it. I hate decisions like these because there are pros and cons to staying and leaving and I feel like there is no right or wrong answer. The only strong feeling I felt was that I'd hate Arkansas which is totally ignorant because I've never even been there. When making lists of pros and cons to moving there I didn't even include anything important. It's more like "pro: I can make my kids say 'yes ma'am' and 'no sir' and it's not weird" and "con: they'll also say crap like 'y'all' and 'reckon' regularly and it's annoying me just to think about." So I told Rick it was all up to him to decide where we would live and a few days later he told me he wants to stay in Arizona for good but that he wants to extend his borrow out from 3 months to 6 months, maybe more. I know, it sounds awful, and it's already sucky for him to be gone 3 months, but the reason is that if he can work out there for 6 months we can buy a house when he gets back. We already have an area in mind that we'd like to live. The day after we decided this I stopped feeling sorry for myself and stopped googling cat names/shelters/YouTube videos. I'll give him to Arkansas for 6 months if I get a house out of it. I'm going out there in May for 10 days, he'll come home for 4 days in June, and I have a week off in July that I'll either spend in Utah or Arkansas. Not sure yet. After that he will come home every month for 4 days.

I really would have liked to just quit my job and go with Rick, but then I think about how hard it was for me to find my job here and how much I love it and I probably couldn't just quit my job for 6 months then ask them to take me back afterwards, so then I'd have to go through the job hunt all over again that made me crazy in the first place. Also the thought of living in a hotel for 6 months with no kitchen while Rick works everyday makes me YouTube more cat videos. It's not likely that I'd be able to find a job there to keep me busy. "Hi, I need a job but only for a few months. Also, I see on the resume that you need an address for me but I actually don't live here I live in a hotel. Would you hire me?"

So...I ate all of your Halloween candy

So...Halloween was a bust this year. Normally I make us dress up and do something but we had no where to go so no reason to dress up. Rick was supposed to work and I had the day off so I was going to just stay at home and pass out candy, which didn't happen because we didn't get a single trick or treater. Rick ended up getting bumped from the Tucson yard and can only hold in Phoenix now so his schedule is different (again) but that meant we suddenly had Halloween off together. Rick wanted to "do something really fun!" so I got my eyebrows waxed and then we went home and he fell asleep at 8. I'm kind of worried about him. I make fun of him for sleeping so much and I say it's because of his old age but he seriously is tired all the time. He was taking this cholesterol medication and it was making him super sore and restless and then he read the side affects and it said that if he was sore he needed to stop taking it immediately, so he stopped but ever since then he sleeps all the time. Like right now, I'm not even kidding, he is asleep in his car in a Del Taco parking lot because he was too tired to drive home. I can't remember the last time he drove home from work without stopping to sleep. We should probably get that checked out...

So...I love my job. Like, love it more than any job I've ever had. I love those little boys. Last week was rough because the 2 youngest boys and I all had colds so we were pretty miserable. They are comfortable around me now and I've got their routine down (seriously, routine is key, I can't believe how easy they are.) The 2 youngest ones are learning my name. Sloan (age 1) has said it once, probably on accident, and Cael (age 2) finally starting saying "dough" when I asked him what my name was and now he says dough-ey. Close enough. Last week Christy said "I swear Sloan could be Rick's kid." I asked her why and that's when she showed me pictures of Sloan sleep crawling throughout the whole house in the middle of the night. Then she wished me luck for whenever we have kids.

So...A few weeks ago we were driving home and right across from our place is a big open area with nothing but dirt, rocks, and big scary dogs. I only saw them at a glance before they were gone but I was like "uhhhh....are those werewolves?" Rick says they are just big homeless dogs. I don't know what they are but every night when I come home from work and it's pitch black outside I get out of my car and all I can hear are howls closing in on me. It is the most terrifying thing. I swear they are chupacabras or something. One time I heard them fighting. They howl and bark and scream all night long.

So...Yesterday everyone kept saying to prepare for a big dust storm (the kind that causes 30 care pile ups). I know what to do to prepare for when it rains or snows, but really what do you do to prepare for a dust storm other than not go outside? The city that we live in got it worse than everywhere else, and you couldn't see through it. It made me sick all night. I could feel the dust in my lungs and I couldn't stop coughing it up. Sickest thing ever. During the dust storm, it started raining. My car looks like I drove it through a field of mud. The wind was so bad last night that I woke up to the windows shaking and for a minute I thought there was an earthquake. I was not prepared for this type of weather.

So...Rick bought his car a few years ago while he was living in Arizona, so while we were living in Utah his car had an Arizona license plate. He was going to switch it to Utah (because he had to) but the tint wasn't legal in Utah and he would've had to remove it and we would've had to pay the taxes on his car which was like $700 and it wasn't worth it especially knowing that we'd move to Arizona someday and we'd have to switch it back anyway. So he tactfully (and lets be real, illegally) kept his car registered in Arizona for the 3 years he lived in Utah. Then we moved here, and we knew we were going to have to get my car registered in Arizona, but we thought that we'd have to pay a million dollars for the taxes on it. We held out as long as we could, but my registration expired this month. We went to the DMV on Halloween just to figure out what we needed to do. We went up to the lady at the help desk and told her we had just moved to Arizona City and we needed to figure out what paper work we needed to get in order to get it registered in Arizona. She looked at us like we were morons.

"Uhhhh....do you have the registration?"
"Yeah."
"Okay then, pick a number and have a seat."
"Okay but what else do we need. The car has a loan on it through a bank in Utah, do you need the paperwork for that? And where is the closest place to get the emissions done? And do we have to pay the taxes on the vehicle?
"No. You just need the current registration, you don't have to pay the taxes on your car, and this is Pinal County, we don't do emissions here."

We looked at her like she was lying.

"You guys aren't from here, are you? All you need is the current registration. Pick a number and someone will help you."

So...We picked a number and sat down knowing she was wrong. But at least whoever helped us next would be able to tell us what exactly we needed to do. We only waited for about 20 minutes when our number was called. We sat down and Rick explained to the lady that we needed to switch the registration from Utah to Arizona. She asked for the current registration and began typing away at her computer. Rick started getting nervous. He asked how much we had to pay for taxes on the vehicle and where we could get the emissions done. For the second time that day, we got the "are you stupid?" look from someone at the DMV. She told us that's not how it works in Arizona. She gave me my new license plate, new registration, asked me if I wanted it to expire in 1 year or 2 years (you can pick!?!?) and then said the grand total was 30 bucks. And all of this in under 30 minutes. We felt like we had just robbed the place. Arizona knows how to get it done! Also my drivers license doesn't expire until the year 2053. I asked her why they do it that way (I was more thanking her than asking her) and she said that you have to come in every 12 years to get your picture changed and eyes tested but other than that having people come in more often would be a waste of time. Bless you, Arizona. I went home and took off my Utah plates, which was kind of sad, and replaced them with my AZ plates, and ever since we switched from Utah plates to AZ plates, people don't flip us off while we're driving anymore. That is 75% a joke but 25% the absolute truth.

So...I've recently discovered Pinterest. For those of you who don't know, its basically a website full of google images that can give you ideas for crafts, recipes, hairstyles, clothes, FHE activities, decorations, funny sayings, etc. and you can organize your "pins" however you want. There are some really good ideas on there, or funny things.

I showed this to Rick and he said "no kidding." We aren't allowed to discuss anything important if I haven't been fed. Things can get really ugly really fast.

I came home from work last night pretty mad for no reason at all. Rick told me to take a nap, so I did, and then I woke up and got onto Pinterest and saw this.

 She's only 8 but she's got it all figured out.

There are also some things on Pinterest that I see and think "that is the dumbest thing I've ever seen in my life." For example:

Are you serious? The only thing not pictured are her 500 cats.

So...I saw this and thought it was hilarious and I hope you find it as funny as I did.

My Rick Rock

If you don't know my husband, you should. He's funny, intelligent, artistic, generous, kind, loving, spiritual, friendly, sensitive, strong, calm, hard working, determined, handsome, and 90% of the time he smells awesome.

I know that every person is different, and every relationship is different, but Rick is the most unique person I've ever met, and our relationship is unlike most. If Rick was in a room with a lot of people, you would think that he was quiet, shy, or uninterested. He is sensitive to his surroundings. He is a listener. He absorbs everything around him and just as you forget he is there he chimes in and says something profound and important. He is the most centered person I know. He is steady. He is a rock. He is my rock. He's had many trials already in his life.

When he was on his mission, his knees would swell up every night causing him a lot of pain. He told his mission president, who made him go see a Doctor, who told him that he needed surgery on both of his knees. He was sent home the next day, against his wishes. He was referred to a Doctor who was supposed to be the best Orthopedic Surgeon in Utah. That Doctor took one look at his knees and said he was fine, and that there was nothing wrong with him. Rick was given an honorable release from his mission, and was told to get back to living his regular life. He still had the pain and swelling in his knees, unanswered questions, and had lost trust of those around him who thought he was lying. Friends and family would ask him why he was faking knee pain, what he really did to be released, and what he was hiding. This went on for a year, and during this year he didn't fall away or falter or become bitter and angry. The pain was getting worse, and he finally went to another Doctor who examined his knees, took xrays, and immediately scheduled him for surgery. After his surgery, Rick's dad came to him and said "Son, I'm sorry I doubted you." Rick does not hold grudges or get angry. He felt his Dad's apology was unnecessary. That's the kind of man he is. It did not shake him.

Six years ago, Rick was working as a counselor for Youth in a Wilderness Therapy Program in St. George. One day he received a phone call from his little sister, Marci, telling him that his 4 best friends had passed away in a tragic accident. This was the first time Rick had experienced the death of a loved one, only this time it was the deaths of 4 loved ones. Rick became the support for his friends during this time. He wanted nothing more than to take away the pain of those around him who were hurting. He will laugh, cry, scream, dance, drive, or just sit in silence with you, if it will make you feel better. I've often wondered how I would handle it if my 4 best friends suddenly passed. Without Rick by my side, the thought of surviving that is impossible. Rick is not afraid of feelings. I can openly ask him anything and I will get an honest answer. Every year on the anniversary of his friends death, we talk about it. It's not a topic of sadness. Rick shares memories of his friends with me. He can't wait to see them again, and he knows that he will. It will be a beautiful reunion.

Last year when Rick was working at the State Hospital, he was the first responder to a Code Blue where an employee had hung himself in the bathroom stall. Rick watched helplessly as this young man died in his arms. When he came home, we stayed up all night talking about it. We processed through every action, and every emotion. Rick wrote the following about what happened that day.

"You will have pain. You must pick yourself up. No one else can. I have an ear, as well as you. Listen. I have a mouth as you do. Talk. Your heart needs love. Receive. 

Don’t bury yourself. 

If you need help find it. 

I held a dead body in my hands and I did everything possible to keep it alive. Talk about being helpless. Life is fragile. So live it good.

Rest in peace." 

He has a beautiful way with words.

Rick only gets mad when he's trying to fix something (just like his Daddy) and then he usually says lots of swear words (just like his Daddy). While he's working on the car/toilet/closet door/anything the only thing I hear him say the whole time he's fixing it is "you stupid son of a bitch" (just like his Daddy). And then I sit in the other room and laugh quietly so that he can't hear me.

I'm not sure why I felt the need to write this post. Maybe it's because I miss him a lot and I hate not being able to see him and not knowing when I will see him again. Maybe it's because it's 4 in the morning and I'm watching Romantic Comedies by myself while eating half a jar of marshmallow cream. Maybe it's because all around me relationships are crumbling. Some for reasons that anyone should leave a relationship for (abuse, cheating) and some for stupid reasons (he isn't romantic enough, he doesn't clean enough, he doesn't like my friends, he doesn't make enough money, he doesn't have his priorities straight, he's not fun anymore) and it makes me want to shake people and say "Enough!" If your relationship is falling apart for small stupid reasons, for goodness sake pull it together. Sit down on your bed with them, face them, take turns talking, listen, and repeat what they said. And then hug them, because right now there is nothing I want more than to be able to see my husband and give him a hug every day.

Time Capsule

A few weeks ago Rick went to Pinedale, Arizona for the Brimhall Family Reunion. He had 2 things to do while he was there - First, sell the family pictures he took last year. Second, find his original birth certificate (aside from the fact that Rick is alive, we're having a really hard time proving to the Ute Tribe/Utah Court System that he was ever born.) While he was going through all of his boxes of his old stuff, he found an envelope with his name on it that said "Do not open until 2011." He opened it, and found a letter.

"January 6, 1996

Dear Rick,

My Goal in fifteen years is to be on my mission. I hope to go some where out of the United States. When I get off my mission I will get a job and go to college.

I will live some where on the coast of California probably San Francisco that sounds good. I would learn to surf that would be fun. Later I would get married have five children and adopt too. They would be good sports players. They would all be strong so they would all be professional football players. I think that I would have a pretty good Goal in fifteen years.

Sincerely,

Rick Brimhall"

This is awesome for a few reasons.

1. What are the chances he would FIND this letter in the year 2011?
2. 5 kids plus adopting some? Yeah right.
3. He was 13 when he wrote this, and he wanted to be on a mission 15 years from then. On a mission at 28? Is that even allowed? Did no one teach him that the age you can go is 19?
4. Rick could not care less about sports, and yet all of our 5+ children (girls included?) are supposed to be professional football players. One time when I was little and I played recreational soccer I accidentally scored a goal for the other team. And the only sport Rick knows how to play is "lifting a lot of weights so I'm ridiculously buff." If our kids have any hand-eye coordination it will be nothing short of a miracle.
5. Absolutely none of the goals have happened. He is not on a mission and he did not go outside of the United States for his mission (he was originally called to Caracas, Venezuela but while he was in the MTC there was political stuff going on over there and no one could get their visas so they sent all those missionaries to California instead.) He does not live in California. We do not have 5+ children and they will not all be professional football players. The thought of Rick trying to surf is hilarious. He does have a job, and he did go to Railroad school (that sounds made up but it's real I promise).

This note to himself was a nice reminder that things don't always work out like we planned, and that's okay with me.

Living The Nightlife

Rick is a light sleeper. Any time I roll over, move, cough, sneeze, sniffle, or blink, it wakes him up. I try my hardest to not move at all, but sometimes I just really need to breathe. Last night as I got into bed it woke him up and he gave me the look that says "I'm about to say something really weird that I won't remember in the morning."

"Where is the other blanket?" He asked while he was laying on top of the sheet and the blanket.

"What other blanket?"

"Don't we normally have more blankets than this? There should be another one between the sheet and the blanket."

"What?"

And then he was gone. It takes me a lot longer than him to fall asleep, so I laid there playing on my phone for a while. When I was done I put my phone away and rolled over. He shifted and gave me the same look as before.

"Don't we have more blankets than this?"

"Nope."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, because it's July and we live in Tucson and so I'm positive we don't have any more blankets."

"Did we used to have more blankets?"

"We had a different blanket when we lived in Utah. The thick one. We got this new bedspread when we moved here, remember?"

"But what about the blanket that you sign?"

By this time, he was fully awake, and I was more confused than ever.

"What?"

"It's like a blanket....but you can like take it to work with you. Where is the blanket that you used to take to work with you?"

"I never took a blanket to work with me. Do you take a blanket to work with you?"

"Yeah, the signed one."

"Signed as in like...written on?"

"Yeah, you like write all of your notes on it and then take it to work with you and it helps you remember what to do."

"You mean like a note pad?"

"No it's the blanket that you sign and it's supposed to go between the sheet and the other blanket."

"Do you hear yourself right now?"

"I know, I know, it sounds weird...but it's so real."

This morning I asked him if he remembered our conversation from last night. He starred off into the distance for a few minutes before he whispered "the blanket....it's so real."

He is still insisting that we are missing a 3rd blanket from our bed. He really misses that nonexistent blanket. Not sure how we're gonna settle this one.

S*** My Husband Says

"YES! My fingers are getting stronger!" He exclaimed with excitement one day while playing the guitar.

"I wish I played Zelda more." He sighed as he looked at the list of games we have on our Wii.

"I'm going to try my hardest to not work hard today." He sincerely promised after I told him that whenever he comes home from work he only wants to lay down and not move.

"Well, it's time for me to get a haircut. Look - my hat won't even stay on, it keeps sliding up off of my head because my hair is too big. That's how I know I need a haircut." He said in all seriousness.

"I found Meeko's ticklish spot!" He informed me as he chased a terrified Meeko down the hallway.

"Umm...white pasta? We're not getting wheat pasta anymore? What about our health?" He genuinely asked after we had just come back from a dinner consisting of baby back ribs, seasoned fries, garlic bread, and Dr. Pepper.

"I probably shouldn't have had that ham sandwich for breakfast at 6 this morning." He said as I gagged.

"I think I have cholesterol poisoning." He said with a worried look on his face while rubbing his chest after eating the McDonalds I suggested he not eat.

He makes me laugh.

Us

Rick got a haircut and is super dark/black from working out in the train yard, so he's been extra hot these days. He makes killer breakfasts and has perfected the art of spaghetti. He still does push ups in his sleep and can apparently speak French and Spanish, as evidence by his sleep talking last night.  He is working hard to support us and I am so proud of him.

I have been unemployed for almost 2 months. I've applied for about 500 jobs, give or take. I'm hoping and praying that someone hires me soon, because I'm going crazy. In my spare time I have learned how to curl my hair with a curling iron, learned the right way to apply eyeliner, kept up with the Kardashians, and lately I've been seeing how many popsicles I can eat in one day. The current record is 7. I'm bored to death all the time and Rick and I have to have a conversation everyday about why being bored is not a good enough reason to have a baby.

Meeko is still daddy's little princess. His favorites include not listening, eating things he's not supposed to, sleeping, and chasing every person that he sees.

We are liking Tucson, especially hearing that it's been snowing in Utah. It has been in the 90s this week. We still don't have a key to the pool so that is a downer but we should get it soon. There is a gas station down the street and we like to go on late night walks there to get drinks. There is also a country bar close to us so we usually encounter drunk people when we go on our walks. So far they have been nothing but nice, and love to give Meeko hugs.

The Other Night

The other night Rick was rolling around in his sleep and it woke me up, then he got up and walked out of the bedroom. I assumed he was going to the bathroom or something and then he didn't come back so I went searching for him and he was asleep on the couch. I woke him up and he looked at me confused and said "Why am I on the couch?" (Like it was my fault or something)

The other night Rick was asleep and then he cleared his voice and loudly said "Let my people go!" Didn't Moses say that?

The other night we were asleep and then Rick sat up in bed and it woke me up. He sat there for a second and then he got up and went to our bedroom window and opened the curtains and stood there starring for like a full minute. Then I was like "Rick?" and he jumped almost like I scared him and he said "Woah...what am I doing?" then he laid back down. Creepy?

The other night we were asleep and Rick said "I just love Meeko so much."

The other night Rick was asleep and he likes to sleep facing me with his arms under my pillow because he "doesn't have any where else to put them" and I told him not to (because it's not comfortable to sleep on someone's arms, ya know?) and so he said that we should try switching sides of the bed so that he could sleep in the same position but his arms will hang off the bed instead of him putting them under my pillow. So we tried it and then he just switched to face the other way so again he was facing me with his arms under my pillow. And then I woke up confused because I was sleeping on the wrong side of the bed, which is basically the same thing as waking up in another Country.

The other night (every night, actually) Rick farted in his sleep and I was like "Riiiiiiiiiiiiiick. Stop farting" and he was like "no it's okay the wind from the fan will blow it away because of the g force and you won't even be able to smell it" and then I punched him for being a liar.

Somewhere in this house we have a voice recorder that only records when it senses sound. Rick uses it for music stuff and when we were living at the apartment we would put it by our bed at night and then when we would wake up in the morning we would have a good 15-20 minutes of Rick talking. I'm going to find it and somehow upload it to my blog. You won't be disappointed.

Birthday Boy

There are 2 things about Rick that I always make fun of. 1 - his hair and 2 - his age. I make fun of his hair because the Justin Bieber look works if you are a 15 year old white male, not a really old Native American and I want him to get a haircut. So really I'm doing him a favor by being an encouraging wife. Bullies are just helpers. I make fun of his age because when I met him I was 17 and he was 23 and that's gross. And because he talks about cartoons that I've never heard of because I wasn't born when he watched them (what the crap is Fraggle Rock?) So going along with the theme of constantly teasing Rick, I need to dedicate this blog post to the birthday boy.

On September 24th Rick turned 56. I would do one of those "56 things I love about you" lists but I did that last year and he wanted a real present instead. I also only have 55 things that I love about Rick. So instead I will tell you what we did for his birthday. Our first event was date night the week before his birthday. We went up to Salt Lake to eat at his favorite restaurant - Evergreen. I don't like Vegan food but I do like Rick.

This is the happiest he's ever been.

This is the hungriest I've ever been.

Every time we are in Salt Lake we see a huge Union Pacific sign and we always wonder what it is. We stopped by and it's the first UP train station in Utah or something. It reminded me of the ballroom in Anastasia when she's having that fantasy and she's singing "Once Upon A December" and dancing. Do not even pretend you don't know what I'm talking about.

On Rick's actual birthday he had a 3 day weekend and I had to work all 3 days so he took a trip to Vegas with his cousin. He was very excited to tell me he went to Pawn Stars. I didn't even know that was a show until he told me about it.

Did you know Rick is a Dental Assistant? I had no idea until I saw this picture. I'd ask but the mystery keeps our romance alive.

Rick stayed with his cousins in Vegas. They were very good to him. His cousin is a dentist so the previous picture isn't really that weird but it kind of is.

For Rick's birthday he got me a wedding band. Isn't he the coolest? I can now wear my wedding band to work instead of my engagement ring that has ripped and wasted several pairs of latex gloves when I try to put them on.

Happy Birthday Rick! You're not really 56 but you're halfway there.

If Rick Ruled The World...

• Every cat would be named "Gato".
• Every bag of cheetos would come with a pair of latex gloves so that you never got "cheeto dust" on your fingers.
• All the car blinkers would blink at the exact same time.
• When you put an "X" on a mosquito bite with your fingernail it really would go away.
• Every man would have this haircut:

Nighttime Rituals

Right now I am supposed to be studying for a math test. I can think of about 1000 other things I'd rather be doing besides studying for anything, let alone math, and blogging just sounds like a way better idea right now. So I'm going to stop looking at fractions (yeah, that's right, 6th grade math - doesn't matter, I still hate it) to tell you a story.

I love my husband. Having said that, you should know that every once in a while he annoys the heck (hell) out of me. These moments of annoyance come at a time of day that I hold dear in my heart. A time of day that I wish would last forever. Sleep time. It's hard to be mad at the guy when he has no control over the fact that he's screaming/farting/burping/laughing/talking/playing football/dancing/catching bad guys/elbowing me in the face/pulling my hair in his sleep, but it's starting to get out of hand.

We are night people, mostly because of our schedules. We go to bed around 2-3 and wake up around 10-11. Last night I was so tired. I couldn't wait to take a nice long shower and then crawl into bed and sleep as long as I could. After my shower I got all ready for bed and walked into the bedroom. I saw Rick laying there, asleep, with his glasses on, his phone in his hand, and surrounded by a fort of pillows. This is exactly how I find him every night. And this is the conversation that we have.

"Rick. Wake up. Take your glasses off, plug your phone in. Give me back my pillow. Lets say prayers."

"What? WHAT?! What's wrong? Are you okay? What's going on? Where do I need to go? I don't understand what we're doing."

"Just take off your glasses, plug your phone in, and you can go back to sleep."

"Okay but I just don't understand what we're doing. Do you need me to go somewhere? Are we getting up? I was asleep and now it going to take me forever to fall back asleep."

"TAKE OFF YOUR GLASSES AND PLUG IN YOUR PHONE."

"Oh okay."

He removes his glasses, which will magically appear on his face in the morning when we wake up. We're still working on how to get him to not put them back on in his sleep. He plugs his phone in, and now he's upset that he's "awake" and it will take him "forever" to fall back to sleep.

"Lets say prayers."

"Okay. Dear Heavenly Father..." And then he incoherently mumbles what sounds like a play by play action of what is happening in his current dream. This goes on for about 4 minutes.

"Amen."

Before his head hits the pillow, he is snoring. I get in bed, and we struggle with the blankets for a good 6 minutes. I like to sleep under the blankets. He likes to put them all on his side of the bed and sleep on top of them. Once he finally gets under the blankets he complains that it's "too hot to sleep under the blankets." I remind him that he doesn't have to sleep under the blankets, he just can't lay on top of them, leaving none for me. I also remind him that he would be less hot if he took off his pajamas and socks. The response I get is a snore. Sometimes a burp, but usually a snore.

It's probably somewhere around 3am. You know that moment where you know you are just about to fall asleep? For the next 30 minutes I have about 10 of those moments, only to be interrupted by a laugh, a yell, him kicking off the blankets, or a poke in the eye followed by me yelling "OW!" and him saying "I was just trying to cuddle." Since I wear the kind of contacts that you can sleep in, I may or may not have to get up at this point and fix my contact that may or may not have folded in half and rolled behind my eyeball. Happened more than once.

Finally, sleep comes. And I am loving every second of it. Until about 6 am, when the stench of death caused by the bowels of hell awaken me. Disgusted, I make a mental note to make Rick sleep in the guest bed every night that he eats Betos. I try to suffocate myself in my pillow, but I am able to fall asleep again eventually. Until 8 am comes. The birds are chirping, the sun is out, and Rick is playing steamroller in his sleep. Oh, and his glasses are back on. Incredible.

I say some swear words in my head, and go back to sleep. And then 11 am comes and my everyday alarm clock wakes me up. That alarm clock would be the kids from the daycare next door, screaming. Sometimes Rick is already up and sometimes he is still asleep. If he is asleep, the sheet is completely twisted between his legs and it takes both of us to untangle him, if he is awake, I go out and find him, and he talks about how he slept "sooooooooooo gooooooood!" last night.

Tonight he is working a double, which means he won't be home until 7 in the morning. I get the whole bed to myself.

Hallelujah.

Check It Out

After many years of doing photography, Rick finally has his website up and running.

www.rickbrimhallphotography.com

Let me know what you think!

Cheezy Post - Engagement Edition

Did you know Rick is an artist? Cause he is. Artist, musician, photographer, folder of the laundry, the man does it all.

When Rick and I were dating he found out that my middle name is Nicole and he started calling me "Nikki". When he was bored he would write me notes and he would always write "Nikki" at the top of the page in graffiti.

Fast forward to March 14, 2009. I knew that day was going to be the day Rick was going to propose. I knew because I kept asking(begging?) him to tell me when he was going to do it. Romantic, I know. He gave me a time frame and said that the proposal was going to be sometime in a 2 week period, and March 14 was the last day of that time frame. Luckily I'm super good at math and was able to figure it out. I was anxious all day. All freaking day. I hung out with Lacey to try to calm my nerves. Rick would say "okay be ready at 5" then 5 would come and he's say "be ready at 6" etc etc. Lacey and I went for pedicures and then headed back to her house. I hung out with Lacey and Jake until somewhere close to 9 pm. It's a miracle I made it that long. While we were patiently waiting there was a knock at the door. Jake opened the door and there was a piece of paper. It was a note from Rick. He was sending me on a scavenger hunt. Which I later learned was actually just to buy him more time because he still wasn't done and he knew I was about to have a heart attack. It made sense after he told me that because the scavenger hunt alone was pretty subpar.

He told me to bring Lacey and Jake. He told us to go to the store and buy my favorite chocolates. And then we did and we waited in Lacey and Jake's jeep wondering what was next. I'm still not quite sure how we messed that step up. As the hunt was slowly but surely falling apart Rick ended up texting Lacey instead and our next step was to go to Rick's house and blindfold me. Check. So then Rick is texting Lacey and we start driving. Since I know Provo pretty well I was able to focus and figure out where we were going. Maybe I'm related to Magellan? Who knows. We ended up at my church. And then it went quiet. This was the moment where I was ready to jump out of the jeep and take the blindfold off and be engaged. But instead Rick handed Lacey a note that said to drive around until Rick texted them to come back because he still wasn't ready.

Are you kidding?

So Jake, being the master of the jeep that he is, went off-roading. Sounds fun? Not really when you're blindfolded and not sure what's going on. Good thing I trust Jake's driving because off-roading while not being able to see is a pretty crazy feeling. Try it sometime. I want to say we were doing that for about 30 minutes. Maybe that is a total exaggeration, but I actually think that's close to how long it was. Lacey got a text from Rick and it was a riddle for me to figure out where to meet him. The answer to the riddle was the train yard. Odd? Not really. Seriously the guy loves trains. Because we had been off roading for so long I had no sense of direction. Like Dory from Finding Nemo but less funny and more anxious. We didn't drive for very long before we stopped and I had Lacey be my eyes as she led to a place that I knew wasn't the train yard (because we were inside) but I had no idea where we were. She sat me down in a chair, told me to count to 30, and when I was done counting I needed to take off my blindfold and press the space bar. Confused? So was I. Don't worry it gets better. I did what she told me to do and when I took off my blindfold this is what I saw.

Rick had set this up to look like one of the many "Nikki" notes he gave me, with the big graffiti Nikki on the top and the note in the bottom. The writing on the sides are notes from my family and my closest friends. The middle section served as a big tv screen. This is where the "press the space bar" talk came into play. I hit the space bar (actually I hit something else and it wouldn't work, don't worry, Rick fixed it) and a movie began to play. It was a slideshow with pictures of us, narrated by Rick, and he was telling the story of how we met and fell in love. Are you crying yet? Cause I am. As the movie was wrapping up a song started to play, and Rick came out of nowhere (he was hiding in the closet behind me) and he took my hands and stood me up. He said words, and I honestly do not remember them. He cried, I cried, and he got down on one knee, pulled out a ring, and asked me to be his wife. I said yes. Then he got back up and as the song was still playing he asked me to dance with him. We danced as we cried, laughed, I-love-you'd, and oh-my-gosh!'d and even though I was feeling so happy and excited I remember having an overwhelming feeling of peace and calm come over me. It was so perfect. Everything I ever needed in my life was holding my hands crying like a little girl and stepping on my freshly pedicured toes.

Rick is so creative and so thoughtful. He puts time and effort into gifts and makes them personal. I've never met someone with such a creative mind or a beautiful way of thinking. He wants all of his gifts to be personal and unique, much like the proposal. Same with my wedding ring. Rick was engaged once before and it didn't work out. He wasn't able to get money back for the ring that he bought so instead he traded the ring in for a diamond that they placed on a thin band for him. He told himself that when he got married he would put that diamond on his wife's ring. Rick traveled a lot after his first engagement didn't work out. And everywhere he went he took the diamond ring with him. It made it unique. It had traveled the country. When we were talking about getting engaged he asked me what kind of ring I liked. I told him I like the 3 stone rings a lot. The rest was up to him. When he proposed I was lucky enough to get this beauty.

The main stone in this ring was originally a round one like the other diamonds in it but Rick had them take that diamond out and replace it with his Princess cut diamond.

Again, the story behind the Princess cut diamond and the fact that it's not the original diamond makes this ring unique. We decided to not do a wedding band with it for 2 reasons. First, we're not rich. Second, it looks pretty just the way it is.

One of my favorite things about the ring is the "PS" you see in this picture. "PS" stands for Passion Stone, it's the type of ring style it is. The two tiny diamonds have now been replaced with our birthstones.

I don't give Rick enough credit. Like right now I'm blogging and eating cookies and he's on hour 13 of his 16 hour shift. He's been working a few doubles a week so we can get out of debt fast and in case I have to quit my job when I do my externship.

What would I do without him?

Zumba!

Sometimes(every time) when we go to the gym I get bored of running on the treadmill. This is 90% because I can't find my Ipod and 10% because all I'm doing is running in place. They have TVs at the gym, so I brought my earphones to watch tv, and it would work for the first part of my workout, but guess what happens when you run? You sweat. Guess what happens when you sweat and it touches your earphones? You get shocked. And it freaks you out. So you frantically try to figure out what's going on while trying to not lose your balance because you're still running on a treadmill and if you stop suddenly then you get really dizzy so if you try to keep going you might trip and then look like an idiot and end up on Americas Funniest Home Videos. Either way, it's chaos. So I was looking for other ways to work out and had heard of this thing called Zumba. I didn't know what it was, all I knew was that you dance and people love it and it costs $4 at the Orem Fitness Center. My friend Shandi goes all the time and I told her I wanted to come with her. I have never had so much fun or been so sore from a workout in my life. Basically you dance for an hour to Latin music and you learn how to drop it like it's hot and back it up. I've always wanted to say those 2 phrases legitimately and have good reason to. This is a proud moment for me. Seriously though, it's a combination of cardio workout and muscle toning, and it's so much fun. I was nervous at first because they don't teach you the moves, you just learn by doing and follow everyone else. So when you're new you look stupid but it's easy to catch on to. I was only able to go tonight because it's my Spring Break otherwise they only have classes when I can't go, but when I'm done with school I plan on going a lot. I highly recommend Zumba to anyone who hates getting shocked in the ear while running in place.

In other, probably funnier, but not to me, and way more disgusting news - Rick drove my car to pick up some Mexican food and decided to get himself 44 oz of horchata. The cup wouldn't fit in the cup holder and so he had to hold it between his legs. And then he had to hit the breaks suddenly, which sent the entire 44 oz of horchata all over the drivers side of my car. Do you know what the main ingredient in horchata is? Milk. MILK. They say don't cry over spilled milk. Too bad, I'm going to. He vacuumed it up with my dads shop vac and then we poured pitchers of hot water all over where it spilled and vacuumed that up as well. The next day when I got into my car, I gagged 2 hard gags (MILK!) and almost threw up. I had to drive with the windows down which was awesome because it was windy and snowing. Every single time I got in my car I sent Rick a text about how sick it smelled and how mad I was. He received 4 angry texts that day. That night I kept complaining about it and he thought I was just being over dramatic. So I told him to get ready to go to the gym and that we were going to take my car. He got ready, went outside, and opened the car door. The smell of the rotten milk hit him like a ton of bricks and I heard him gag the hardest gag I've ever heard. I thought he was throwing up. (Side note, I have the worst gag reflexes ever, and just saying or typing the word gag makes me gag. I just gagged.) The next day he took my car to get the drivers side deep cleaned. The smell is a lot better now but it's still not gone. We need to go back 2 more times to get it cleaned. Hopefully that will rid the smell that haunts me. Maybe we'll just buy a new car now instead of waiting until we have money. On an unrelated note, Rick is no longer allowed to go for food runs in my car.

Pictures

So I was looking through a bunch of pictures and found some that are blog worthy. Some of these I have already put on here before. Oh well. Enjoy.

First off, I need to give a huge shout out to Amy Bigelow. Not only did she take our engagements (which turned out awesome) and help Rick with my bridals, she also did my hair and make up for our engagements and she did my make up for my bridals, and then when we did another round of bridals outside she did my hair and make up then too. Is there anything she can't do? I love this picture. I think I might start growing my hair out.

Same day - 1o pounds more.

We're in love.

This picture freaks me out because my hair looks red and it looks like I am my little sister.

Jensenne has the best hair ever. And I miss those scooters a lot.

Glamour Shots by Deb.

She will kill me for putting this picture up. And I will kill myself for putting it up.

Supa fly.

I could not possibly look creepier.

This is at my bridal shower. Notice Katie's face in the mirror. Pure gold.

My sexy lingerie.

Sometimes I want to have babies just to see what they will look like. I hope they look like little Ricky.

Long haired Rick. From the back he looks like Pocahontas.

He loves trains.

This is why we got married.

This is what happens when you get kicked in the face.

Happy Halloween from Juan Carlos and Ricky Bobby.

In a perfect world...

...Dr. Phil would be President. And I would have the hair of one of the Kardashian sisters. In a perfect world I would also not have high cholesterol. I know, right? How stupid is that? I'm a 21 year old who is in shape. And by "in shape" I mean I would rather eat tin foil than exercise and I eat whatever I want whenever I want which is usually candy at 3am. I was doing good with sticking to Rick's no red meat and only wheat pasta, bread, and rice diet. Right when I started to actually enjoy it the doctor says I need to cut sweets and carbs. It could be worse, though. I could have cancer and be pregnant with 12 babies at once and be homeless and have the flu and have no shoes in winter and have just stubbed my toe really hard. That's probably worse than not being able to eat sweets and carbs. Having a positive outlook on life is one of my finer qualities.

We leave for Disneyland in 2 weeks. While we are there we are also going to be in the audience for 2 Dr. Phil tapings. I am so excited. I'm excited for Disneyland, for the car rides there and back, for stopping in Vegas, going to California Adventures, and for being in Dr. Phil's audience. Rick is halfway excited for all of the above, which is actually a lot of improvement. Love that guy. Also, here is a picture proving that I am right and he is wrong and he really does take up the entire bed.

He isn't actually asleep in this picture, otherwise I would have to make fun of him for wearing glasses and smiling. He was sleeping like this and finally I pointed out all the room he had on the other side and how he was pushing me off the bed. "But we're cuddling". Damn liar.

What We've Learned

So earlier this week it was our 8 month anniversary. We don't normally celebrate monthly anniversaries, but we'll take any excuse to go out to eat. We've had a lot of changes in the last 8 months, like moving from our apartment to the house. Okay, we've had just one change, but still, it was significant. Lets take a look at some things we learned over the last 8 months. Rick's comments will be in blue.

I've learned that Rick likes to eat boring/gross things such as tofu and plain cheerios.

I've learned that Jodi likes Kraft American Cheese slices, which I thought was only for little kids.

I've learned that Rick doesn't like to cut his toe nails because he can't breathe when he bends over. Haha.

I've learned that Jodi puts lotion on her feet every night, but she doesn't like to touch feet (including her own) so she rubs her feet together with the lotion on it.

When I had my Bridal Shower I got a pair of socks that said "Boys Stink" on them. After the shower Rick's sister, Marci, came up to me and told me my socks were a true statement. And she was right, boys do stink.

I've learned that if I don't take a shower every night then my options are to either sleep on the couch or in the guest bed. If I don't take a shower I'm not allowed to sleep in bed with her.

I've learned that Rick talks in his sleep and frequently complains that I take up too much space when really, he is bigger than I am, so how can I take up too much space?

I've learned that Jodi thinks that I'm taking up the whole bed when really I'm clinging to the sheet every night so that I don't fall off.

I've learned that rain or shine, good day or bad, I can always make Rick laugh.

I've learned that the way Jodi says "Hi" to me when I see her tells me whether or not she needs food.

I've learned that what I consider "way too freaking loud to play when I'm trying to sleep", Rick considers perfect volume.

I've learned that Jodi likes it when I have a beard.

I've learned that even with a full beard, barrel chest, and huge arms, beneath the tough exterior is a huge heart that will make Rick cry while watching 24.

I've learned that I like to think that I wear the pants in our relationship but we all know thats a lie.

What a smart man. Stay tuned to find out what else we will learn during the coming weeks, months, and years.

Brown Eyes

My shift started out with the usual routine. Sixteen hundred hours, Monday afternoon. Just like every other Monday afternoon. I sat on a chair over looking the unit - hearing the noise of the television quietly speaking out to ears that hear more than one voice. Watching individuals look far beyond the walls that hold them in. Focusing on lips that move speaking to unseen others and watching those who lost their freedom because they are lost mentally. I hear the beep over the intercom. Unusual. No one was making an announcement at the desk. What was the hospital announcing? A message of an activity held that night? A test to see what units would respond to a mock code? The message proceeded. “Attention, attention, there is a Code Blue in the kitchen of the Harmon Building.” Immediately my senses focused on the repeating message. There was no “mock” before "Code Blue"!

I immediately jumped out of my chair. Everything was in slow motion, each step in control. I ran across the room to the supply room putting my key in and opening the door, grabbing the emergency cart. I shut the door behind me and started running down the hall, our unit nurse right behind me.

After the doors locked behind me I ran towards the call for help. Each step brought me closer and closer. The SSRN waved me down and pointed me in the direction towards the emergency. I ran through a corridor, which led me through a maze of hallways. I was blind - only the screaming led me closer to where help was needed. A small hallway was ahead of me. People were pointing. This was it. The only moment that night I felt my senses lose control. I ran around the corner and entered a staff bathroom.

Slow motion over. Reality up to speed. The timer started. The leader in me, out.

I entered the room as one of the first responders with an emergency cart. A young man was on the floor, unconscious. CPR was being preformed. In the mist of fear, our nurse asked “Did anyone call 9-1-1?” No one responded. I was in shock. Immediately I called 9-1-1, sending out the S-0-S call for help to the hospital. I was on the phone with the dispatcher relaying information of what I was seeing.

“Is he breathing?

“No.”

“Does he have a pulse?”

“No.”

“Is he talking?”

“No!”

I then handed off the phone to the nurse who had a better idea medically of what was going on. I was on the stall over looking this person, whose life was in our hands. CPR was still being performed. There was no time to lose. Without thought I jumped in and assisted with the CPR. I tilted his head back, opening a better air way.

His lips were blue. His skin was still warm. His eyes were brown.

They were brown.

His eyes looked up into mine but there was no life in them. His voice couldn’t tell me anymore than I knew, but there was pain in his eyes. He was dead because he chose to end his life by suicide. The bruise around his neck showed the way he chose to leave his life.

17-18-19-Breath.

This continued over and over till the EMTs arrived. The panic was calm because we all knew. He was dead. We secured his neck and pushed the body from out of the stall to an open area so more work could be done. I stood back and held the exit door open. I watched staff as they began to trickle out. The stress of that moment started to hit the people that were involved. One of those who were involved passed out from the stress.

Why did he do this? Why at work? What about his family?

Suicide is not the answer. It never will be.

- Rick