House, Baby, and Just Wait

In February we started the process to build a house. We had been looking at this area outside of Tucson for about a year where the houses are super cheap because they are trying to get people to the community to get more houses built (hooray for Bluth Model Homes!...just kidding, but wouldn't that be the best?) We signed the papers and they started building. We moved in about a month ago, and I'm so happy to be in our very own home. For some reason I felt like way more of a grown-up when we closed on our home than with anything else in my life, including being pregnant. Lots of people can have a baby. 16 year olds have babies all the time, but you need permission from a bank to have a house. It's a big deal! We are pretty much unpacked. Except for half of our stuff that is still boxed up in the garage. It's the same stuff that has been sitting in our storage unit for a year, and I honestly don't even know what it all is. I got so used to living with the bare essentials that I feel like everything else is useless. I know that as I slowly open those boxes I will probably be really happy with what I find, like last week when I opened a box and thought to myself "Oh yeah! I forgot we used to have a toaster!"

The house has been great except for all the freaking bugs we weren't expecting. We've now had the house sprayed 3 times, and I think it's finally getting rid of them. We got the baby's room painted. And then we decided that we will never paint another room in this house again because it's too much work and I'm content with eggshell colored walls for the rest of my life. But at least the baby gets a cool colored room. Lucky kid. We painted 3 of the walls grey and 1 baby blue. When his nursery is all done I'll post pictures. And when my house is all clean I'll post pictures of that too. Which will probably be never. Along with the bugs, we've also had 2 emergency level dust storms (known as Haboobs). It's monsoon/haboob season here in Arizona. Because the only thing missing from 117 degree weather, is dust and humidity. Always a good time. We also had a break in last week. Although since talking to our neighbors we think it might have just been people assuming that no one lives here and coming to look through the house. Both of our cars were gone and we don't have any decorations or anything on the outside that would make you think someone lives here. Since this area has so many houses being built, it's very common to have people walking through the houses to check things out. We walked through a house a few hours before a lady got the keys to it because was the same layout as our house (that was in the early process of being built) and we wanted to see what it would look like in the flesh. The break in happened in the middle of the day. I left the door unlocked because I had a Doctors appointment but Rick's parents were coming to visit us and they would beat me home and we didn't have a spare key made yet. So I unlocked the front door, but set the alarm. Whoever it was came into our house and they were in and out in 7 seconds (our alarm system tells us every time a door is opened or closed). Everyone should get an alarm system. I'm a believer.

We recently celebrated our 4th Anniversary. I can't believe it's been 4 years already (I will probably say that every year for the rest of our lives). We went to a little town close to the border called Tubac. Rick shot a wedding there once and they have cute little resorts and restaurants down there. He found a really cute bed and breakfast for us to stay at and the owner was very friendly. He and Rick got to talking and they started talking about photography. Rick showed him his website and the guy said that if Rick took pictures of all the rooms for him, our stay would be free! Rick went around and took all the pictures for the guy's website, and we got a free stay out of it. The best part was that Rick didn't have his camera with him so he took all his pictures with just his iphone. He's a talented man. We had a nice relaxing trip. Rick found some amazing places for us to eat at and he booked massages for us. I got an hour long prenatal massage and they had a big pillow with a hole in it so I could finally lay on my belly. It was awesome. I miss laying on my stomach more than I realized I would. I told my massage therapist that I was carrying him in my back and it was causing me lots of pain, she said she'd get him to the front and she wasn't kidding. She worked her magic and the next morning my stomach had popped, and he was no longer grinding his face into my spine. Bless her for that.

The pregnancy is going well. The second trimester was heaven. I wasn't sick, I had a belly big enough that people knew I was pregnant but not so big that I was uncomfortable, and I only had a few mild discomforts. I'm in the third trimester now, and I can say with complete honesty that after the first trimester and with the symptoms I have now that I am absolutely awful at being pregnant. I feel guilty because everyone is like "Enjoy it! It's so magical!" but I'm not enjoying it and I don't feel magical. I mostly feel hot, barfy, and in pain. I love that I get to be a mom and that my body will let me make a baby, and I realize how huge of a blessing that is, but I do not enjoy being pregnant. Truth be told, I don't want to do this ever again. But I know I probably will, because babies are just so damn cute. I look at those women who have 5, 6, 7 kids and I think that either they had easy pregnancies or they are way better women than me. I still definitely have moments when I get overwhelmed with love and appreciation for this miracle that is happening with my body, like when I can't sleep and neither can the baby so we do morse code with each other, or when Rick puts his hands on my belly and asks how his little guy is doing, and then the baby answers his question with a nice kick. But I also have moments when all I can do is sit and cry because I'm in so much pain, or because I'm hungry, or because it's 115 degrees outside and I have to go run errands. Since we're in the new house and we've started getting the nursery put together I'm finally feeling like the end is near. I've washed all his clothes, the crib is set up, things are almost ready for him. I just want to fast forward to August and see his little face. I've had Braxton Hick's contractions frequently since 20 weeks, and the other day I felt awful and sick and just off so I decided to go to the hospital to get checked out. Turns out I was having contractions every 2-5 minutes. They were able to stop them, but it makes me wonder if this kid is going to make it all the way to his due date. My hope is that I won't go past my due date. We'll see when he decides to make his debut.

There is something about being pregnant that makes people think they can give you all the unsolicited advice they can think of. Advice about pregnancy, advice about labor, advice about parenting, they pretty much tell you whatever they want and expect you to agree or think they're brilliant. I've been given a lot of advice, and most of it I take in what I think is worth it and throw the rest away. It didn't start to bother me until we went to the bed and breakfast place for our anniversary. The guy who owned the place asked me when I was due, and I told him August (it was May at the time). He told me that I looked great and that I had "gained the perfect amount of weight, just don't get any bigger. If you're thin, you win!" What the hell? If you're thin you win? Please tell me you didn't raise daughters with that mentality. And don't gain anymore weight? I was 6 months pregnant when he told me that. I still had 3 months to go. You know what you do the last 3 months of pregnancy? Gain weight and get bigger.

A few days ago Rick and I went out to dinner. I slowly followed our waitress to the table, waddling as fast as I could to keep up with her, then I loudly grunted as I tried to get situated comfortably in the booth. She asked me when I was due and I told her August, then she asked me if it was our first and I said yes. She started laughing. I smiled, unsure of why she was laughing, and then she said "Oh man, your life is over. Like kids are great, but yeah your life is totally over. And you better get ready for a ton of pain."

People are awesome.

My favorite piece of advice lately is people telling me to sleep as much as I can now. As if there is some sort of sleep bank where I can store my extra sleep for the days where I'm up all night with a screaming baby and I'm exhausted. The amount of sleep I get now isn't going to change how I feel then. I understand that this advice usually comes from parents who are exhausted and wish they could have uninterrupted sleep. Truthfully, I wish I could have uninterrupted sleep too. My baby isn't born yet, but that doesn't mean he doesn't kick me in the ribs EVERY.SINGLE.NIGHT from 2-5am, and it doesn't mean that I don't wake up every 2 hours to pee, and it doesn't mean that I don't roll from one side to the other every hour or else I wake up feeling like my hip is going to snap in half, and it doesn't mean that I don't have a dog who wakes me up every morning between 6 and 8 to take her potty.

The absolute worst, though, is people telling us to "just wait until *insert unpleasant experience*". This started before we were even pregnant. Some would tell us to enjoy the time we had now without kids, and so we would do things like go on vacations or spontaneous road trips, and then those same people would tell us "just wait until you have kids, you won't be able to go on these fun vacations." I'm still not sure the mindset of people who throw out the "just wait" comments. Is it bitterness? Exhaustion? Or are they just unaware of how weird of a comment it is? These comments happen most often during some sort of unpleasant experience, like when someone asks me how I feel and I say I'm in pain and tired, it's followed by "just wait until the baby gets here, then you'll know what being in pain and tired is." I'm always taken aback by this because first off, what do you even say to that? And second, that's not helpful. I'm aware that having a baby will be painful and I will be tired, but that doesn't mean I'm not in pain or tired right now. When someone has a colicky newborn and they need advice and you tell them "just wait until they're older and they start getting into everything" how is this helpful? All it does is tell them "Yeah things are hard now but it's just going to get harder" which induces panic and it diminishes the problem at hand. No, they are not dealing with a toddler that just spilled an entire bag of flour all over the freshly cleaned kitchen floor, or they're not dealing with a teenager who is being rebellious, but they still have a problem that they're facing. That's like if you tell me you have the flu and my response is "Just wait until you're dying, then you'll know what it's like to be really sick." Wouldn't that be super weird and absolutely not helpful?

Sometimes I feel like people think we went into parenthood thinking "You know what won't cost us any money, will never stress us out or make us frustrated, and will get us lots of extra sleep? Having a baby." I'm going to be exhausted, it's going to hurt, I'm going to freak out from time to time, and even now as I type this, I'm probably greatly underestimating just how tired I'll be or how much pain I'll be in or how often I'll freak out, but that's okay. I'll figure it out, just like you did, just like your parents did, just like their parents did.

There are some "just waits" that I love hearing. "Just wait until your baby smiles at you for the first time." "Just wait until you hear his first cry." "Just wait until you see your husband as a father." These are the "just waits" that I can't get enough of. I'm going to be a mom, and soon. It's going to be hard, and tiring, and frustrating, and wonderful, and amazing, and the best thing that will ever happen to me.

Just wait.