I really hate it when people say "Things are great right now which means that something bad is about to happen." That drives me crazy. If things are going good then just appreciate it and don't wait for things to be bad or don't expect it because it will happen, and then you'll think you're right, and you'll complain about it, and I won't feel sorry for you because you were being obnoxious in the first place. That kind of mentality makes me crazy, but I was thinking about that today, and then I realized that lately, I am one of those people. Not in the way of "things are good so something bad will happen" but in the way of "as soon as I verbalize my plans, they change, so I'm not telling anyone anything ever again."
Lately whenever I tell people what my plans/goals are, they change within a second. I was looking back at my New Years Resolutions and it gave me a nice good laugh. I'm really starting to look like a giant liar.
We're coming to Utah, no we're not.
We're spending the summer in Dallas/Chicago/St. Louis, no we're not.
Rick's job is going to be so much better for us financially, no it's not.
I've been applying liberally to every job in Tucson. One job I had a 2nd interview with, they loved me, they said I would be great, they said they were excited, and that I should hear from them soon. I was so happy. I felt confident and I knew that I would get the job. Since it was an almost sure thing, I decided it was safe to tell people. So I told just a few friends and family members, and the next day I got the rejection. I've had my share of "thanks but no thanks" since applying to jobs here, but that one stung.
And then things started snowballing. Rick wanted to clean out our 2nd bedroom and change it from the "all of our random crap room" to our "electronic stuff neatly organized and a bed for guests" room. But why bother putting all that work into it? What if he loses his job and we have to move? What if no one ever comes to visit us? Why does it matter? And that turned into why should I even apply for jobs if no one will hire me anyway? What's the point? Why should I do anything productive if it's just going to backfire?
Rick has come to me on many occasions and said "Do we need to move back to Utah?" He feels guilty for moving me here. I feel guilty for quitting the one job I did get that I hated more than anything. But the worst part is wanting so badly to say "yes, please, lets go back home" but knowing that we're here for a reason. I have no idea what that reason is, and for a long time I doubted it, and that's when I realized I was turning into the obnoxious person who always waits for the bad to hit. That person sucks.
So, I'm breaking the cycle. Want to know my plans? Sure thing.
We plan on coming up to Utah September 16 - 21. Rick has a photo shoot to do up there on the 17th, and since that is his birthday week we plan on celebrating BBQ style. If you are reading this, you are invited.
I plan on getting a job. I currently have applications being reviewed with 2 hospitals here, one job is for a receptionist in Labor and Delivery, and one is in the OR being the person who makes sure all the surgical tools are sterile. I was talking to a lady in our ward and she had a similar story. Lived in Utah, moved to Tucson for her husband's job, went crazy not working, and then finally found a job that she had no experience with before but she loves it now. She works for a medical software company, and she told me to send her my resume and she'd pass it along because she knows they are hiring. So there is also that possibility. Either way, I'm going to keep applying and interviewing until I find a job.
I plan on getting out of debt, saving money, and getting ready for cars/houses/babies.
I plan on buying a nice rug for our living room because I never realized how much I love carpet until I didn't have it anymore.
I plan on cleaning out that 2nd bedroom and even getting a futon bed for when we have guests.
I plan on living in Tucson forever, and that is kind of scary.
I plan on Rick not getting killed on the job and not telling me that "work was good...except when the train we were on derailed" ever again.
I plan on keeping Meeko forever.
I plan on both of our cars working like we need them to.
If our plans change, then we'll just roll with it.
4 comments:
Now that you've told the world and broken the spell, all your wildest dreams will come true!
The one thing that we all have to keep in mind is no matter where we go (Even back in Utah) we will be faced with trials that will make us feel like "Why are we here?" The standard fight or flight scenario. Do we run in the face of trials or do we conquer them? Everyday is the choice of emotion. Do we live with a positive outlook or do we sink away? No matter what we choose each day will pass us by. I choose to live happy.
Sometimes--most of the time when I read your blog I am amazed at your strength and wisdom. This was another one of those times. You have decided to bloom where you are planted and that is crucial to your happiness. You are preparing for change which will surely come and that is a sign of security and stability. You have become a grownup because you know that you need to be where you are without having to know why you are there. "Things will work out." is my favorite GB Hinckley quote. so true. I love you and have a story to tell you. remind me. mom
Good for you! I have to say, blooming in Tucson would be a trial for me...but we may come visit you :)
I don't remember when I came to the same sort of resolution but life has sure been more pleasant with a more optimistic/flexible attitude.
Plans do change - usually without warning.
Since that is also Lane's birthday week AND we read your blog are we invited to the BBQ? :)
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