My Rick Rock

If you don't know my husband, you should. He's funny, intelligent, artistic, generous, kind, loving, spiritual, friendly, sensitive, strong, calm, hard working, determined, handsome, and 90% of the time he smells awesome.

I know that every person is different, and every relationship is different, but Rick is the most unique person I've ever met, and our relationship is unlike most. If Rick was in a room with a lot of people, you would think that he was quiet, shy, or uninterested. He is sensitive to his surroundings. He is a listener. He absorbs everything around him and just as you forget he is there he chimes in and says something profound and important. He is the most centered person I know. He is steady. He is a rock. He is my rock. He's had many trials already in his life.

When he was on his mission, his knees would swell up every night causing him a lot of pain. He told his mission president, who made him go see a Doctor, who told him that he needed surgery on both of his knees. He was sent home the next day, against his wishes. He was referred to a Doctor who was supposed to be the best Orthopedic Surgeon in Utah. That Doctor took one look at his knees and said he was fine, and that there was nothing wrong with him. Rick was given an honorable release from his mission, and was told to get back to living his regular life. He still had the pain and swelling in his knees, unanswered questions, and had lost trust of those around him who thought he was lying. Friends and family would ask him why he was faking knee pain, what he really did to be released, and what he was hiding. This went on for a year, and during this year he didn't fall away or falter or become bitter and angry. The pain was getting worse, and he finally went to another Doctor who examined his knees, took xrays, and immediately scheduled him for surgery. After his surgery, Rick's dad came to him and said "Son, I'm sorry I doubted you." Rick does not hold grudges or get angry. He felt his Dad's apology was unnecessary. That's the kind of man he is. It did not shake him.

Six years ago, Rick was working as a counselor for Youth in a Wilderness Therapy Program in St. George. One day he received a phone call from his little sister, Marci, telling him that his 4 best friends had passed away in a tragic accident. This was the first time Rick had experienced the death of a loved one, only this time it was the deaths of 4 loved ones. Rick became the support for his friends during this time. He wanted nothing more than to take away the pain of those around him who were hurting. He will laugh, cry, scream, dance, drive, or just sit in silence with you, if it will make you feel better. I've often wondered how I would handle it if my 4 best friends suddenly passed. Without Rick by my side, the thought of surviving that is impossible. Rick is not afraid of feelings. I can openly ask him anything and I will get an honest answer. Every year on the anniversary of his friends death, we talk about it. It's not a topic of sadness. Rick shares memories of his friends with me. He can't wait to see them again, and he knows that he will. It will be a beautiful reunion.

Last year when Rick was working at the State Hospital, he was the first responder to a Code Blue where an employee had hung himself in the bathroom stall. Rick watched helplessly as this young man died in his arms. When he came home, we stayed up all night talking about it. We processed through every action, and every emotion. Rick wrote the following about what happened that day.

"You will have pain. You must pick yourself up. No one else can. I have an ear, as well as you. Listen. I have a mouth as you do. Talk. Your heart needs love. Receive. 

Don’t bury yourself. 

If you need help find it. 

I held a dead body in my hands and I did everything possible to keep it alive. Talk about being helpless. Life is fragile. So live it good.

Rest in peace." 

He has a beautiful way with words.

Rick only gets mad when he's trying to fix something (just like his Daddy) and then he usually says lots of swear words (just like his Daddy). While he's working on the car/toilet/closet door/anything the only thing I hear him say the whole time he's fixing it is "you stupid son of a bitch" (just like his Daddy). And then I sit in the other room and laugh quietly so that he can't hear me.

I'm not sure why I felt the need to write this post. Maybe it's because I miss him a lot and I hate not being able to see him and not knowing when I will see him again. Maybe it's because it's 4 in the morning and I'm watching Romantic Comedies by myself while eating half a jar of marshmallow cream. Maybe it's because all around me relationships are crumbling. Some for reasons that anyone should leave a relationship for (abuse, cheating) and some for stupid reasons (he isn't romantic enough, he doesn't clean enough, he doesn't like my friends, he doesn't make enough money, he doesn't have his priorities straight, he's not fun anymore) and it makes me want to shake people and say "Enough!" If your relationship is falling apart for small stupid reasons, for goodness sake pull it together. Sit down on your bed with them, face them, take turns talking, listen, and repeat what they said. And then hug them, because right now there is nothing I want more than to be able to see my husband and give him a hug every day.